Do you calm yourself down?

A pacifying behaviour or a self-soothing behaviour is when you caress yourself to comfort yourself. When someone is under stress, the only way is to comfort oneself is to use a self soothing gesture. People also use this gesture when a negative emotion runs through their mind or they get bored or even to hide something . Everyone does it unknowingly.
One thing to mention here, it is touching oneself in a complete "Non-Sexual" way and yes, it is to be repeated, everyone does it. We'll see some examples as to notice how do we do it? There are more than 25 gestures that come under pacifying behaviour but we will cover only 5 here, that too only face.

1.  Rubbing the Forehead

This is a self soothing or pacifying gesture, which is used usually to save oneself from embarrassment. You will see this gesture, when someone is feeling shameful about the "mentioned" topic. This was when Aamir Khan was asked by Rajat Sharma, in Aap ki Adalat, about his blog, where Aamir had written about his dog "Shahrukh",. 

2. Lip Movement

This one is seen, when someone is associated with a thought mostly negative. At stress, we want something to comfort us, and if we are not in a position to self-soothe, this is how we use it. As you can see, in the picture, she is asked by the host , if she thinks she has the talent to be successful in movies, in Sach ka Saamna. 

3. Scratching Face

Scratching face is a common gesture when a person wants to dodge a question or pretends that he/she is thinking over the question,which in reality, it has raised the stress level. This happened when Aamir and Katrina went for the promotions of Dhoom 3 and somebody asked Aamir, if he wants Salman to be married and the same question was shifted to Katrina.

4. Nose rubbing

 This is the most common gesture used, specially by males, when they are trying to hide something or are at stress. This gesture doesn't mean someone is lying, but it definitely means, being uncomfortable. When the reporter asked Virat in an interview, if he has a girlfriend, Virat says he is single and then he uses this gesture.

5. Cover the face/ Wipe the face

When someone wipes the face with one's hand with no intention of wiping the sweat, the gesture means the person is getting bored. This gesture is just one of the gestures to make one self ready to go. We see Abhishek doing this, because he is at some Gym launch with his mother, Jaya Bachchan and the journalists are talking to Jaya, not him. He gets bored and now wants to go. 

These were just for starters to make you understand, how we use pacifiers. It's not necessary we use it when we are lying. It may be one of the reasons, but there are several others. The other important thing to pay attention is the base-lining. You need to baseline the person and his/her normal behaviour when he/she is under no stress or during a normal condition. 

So next time , you notice someone self -soothing, ask them Is something wrong?

www.facebook.com/bodyspeaksbetter

5 types of guys you would find in a discotheque/club

So, after seeing the 5 types of girls you would find in a discotheque, now we have come up with the counterpart, the 5 types of guys.
We would also, take a moment to thank you, for the huge appreciation.
Moving on. As told, in a discotheque, you would come across various personalities some hot, some cool and some not so cool. We have boiled it down to the typical types, which are 5 in number.
Let us have a look at those guys:

1.The Pseudo Alpha

This guy thinks that he is very cool and also the leader of the group, but only, he thinks that. He also wants his circle/group to follow them wherever he is pointing and also follow the dance steps, but again a failure. So, we have named this type " Pseudo Alpha" means "Fake leader" or "Pretentious Leader". You can find him generally in the group of 4 or more than that.

2.   The Trial &  Error

This is our guy who is a firm believer of Trial & Error. He takes a chance on everything in the club. Let's start with taking items inside the club. He tries to take banned items inside, if he is caught, he says sorry , as if he didn't know that it was banned. If it is a smoke free zone, he lights up the cigarette, if stopped by the guard , he will again say sorry. He will then go and sit in the reserved area, which is of course, not reserved by him, if denied, he will again say sorry. So, that's how this guy is. He takes a chance at doing everything in the club which is restricted, but he does it . This type is "Trial & Error" guy.


3. The Bodyguard

No, Not Salman Khan. This guy is overly protective towards his girl. He dances with his hands wrapped around his girl, to prevent others from touching her. He finds out the "secure" place in the club for his girl, where they could dance "safely". God forbid, if someone accidentally pushes his girl, he will be all charged up to take up a fight. He will be in the mood like " Touch her, and you will get it on your face!" . So, we have named this type, "The Bodyguard".


4. The Not so interested Guy

You might have got the idea of this type by the picture here. This guy, no matter how "hot" girl he is with, will always be interested in others. He dances with his girl with a cuddle and will have a look at every other girl in the club. This guy also tries to impress others with his dance moves. He never concentrates on the girl he is with. Don't be this guy. Girls hate this type a lot. You can impress other girls by treating your girl in the nicest manner. Therefore, this type, "Not so interested guy".

5. The Ogler

If you are a girl, you will be very familiar with this look. In the club, sometimes, stags are given a corner to sit and are not allowed to dance on the floor. In that corner, you'll find him. It's like, he comes to the club for ogling. You can also find him , with his glass half filled, standing and enjoying music ( at least pretending). But the main focus is on the floor , on the girls, especially the girls group. The name of this type is "The Ogler".

So, dear friends, whenever you visit a club , watch for these types and enjoy.

Stay tuned.

www.bodyspeaksbetter.com

www.facebook.com/bodyspeaksbetter

5 types of girls you would find in a Discotheque/Club

I like to party and have been to several Discotheques and Clubs. This was the first time I thought of going there few times to study the human behaviour and the categorization. So, here I found typically 5 types of girls, you would definitely find in these places.

1. No pain No gain

First kind will be of high heel girls, who you would probably pity on. Her favourite typically will be cocktail. They are so uncomfortable in their high heels, that they can barely walk, forget dancing. They wear high heels just for the fashion, because it looks "sexy". 

"High heels may exaggerate the sex-specific aspects of the female walk " a University of Portsmouth research team led by psychologist Paul Morris reports in journal of Evolution and Human behaviour. Still this type will no way look sexy in the uncomfortable walk of hers.

What to do if you know her?

You tell her, to remove the shoes, as nobody is noticing any more and the party is in full swing. If you make her understand that enjoyment is more important than being uncomfortable, she will be feeling happy at the end. Give her few examples from movies that the girl removed the shoes to dance or she removes it during the party etc. and you understand it's not easy to carry heels at all.

2. Forced

The other type you would be seeing is the girl who is very quiet in the club as if she was forced to come. Ordering a vodka with soft drinks and sitting will be her first choice. Neither you see any excitement in her nor the clothes she wears will tell you she was in a mood to come. If at all people in her group tell her to dance, she remains seated with a masked smile. Being shy is very different from being quiet. If she is shy, she will take time to open up but if she is quiet because something went wrong in her personal/professional life, you can take care of that.

What to do if you know her?

Tell her, to smile. Yes, it might appear simple, but it will help. According to a research , if we smile , we start feeling happy,even if that smile is faked. The only condition is the smile should last at least 10 seconds. If you manage to make her smile, you will make her happy too. 

3. Slang bang

The other typical type of girl you will find is the slang-bang cool girl. This girl in a normal routine will be seen as a simple, girl next door type but when she enters a club she will have beer and a cigarette ( if that's allowed inside), if not, you can see her outside, smoking and using slang on a louder note, pretends to be very cool. 

What to do if you know her?

Tell her, to go inside, that way her noise is reduced with the high music. Other way is to tell her you have seen her relative or a close family friend in the same club, it will make her quiet because she does it on purpose to seek attention and she would not want her family to know her "other side". 

4. Love shower

The next typical to feature in the list is Miss.Love Shower. She typically orders tequila shots and then gets very cosy with her boyfriend/husband/other's boyfriend etc. She is seen so much in love that she feels that she would shower all her love , right then and there itself. She is least bothered on what's going on with others in the group because she is too busy in hugging and cuddling her partner. 

What to do if you know her?

Make her sit and make sure she doesn't fall over you again and again, because this behaviour is often followed by vomiting. Tell her some random stories, and be prepared to be interrupted with her side of story as well. 

5. Tried before??

The last girl is Miss. Wardrobe malfunction. She will be the girl to order most likely a juice or mocktail. Her dress is seen as too tight or too loose, as if she has borrowed it from someone. Either way, she looks odd in the attire. So, you can see her adjusting her clothes during the entire party instead of enjoying, it may be the dress falling off shoulder, or a dress too short, or adjusting the dress to hide the cleavage. 

What to do if you know her?

Offer her a temporary solution, like camouflaging using a hair-band, hair clip, handkerchief, tissue paper etc. If you see her really uncomfortable with a problem which can't be sorted, drop her home with a smile and a nice sentence, that you enjoyed with her company, and will do a lot more in the next time. That way , she would want to go out one more time with a nice dress ( hopefully, tried this time).

Partying and drinking is not bad at all, but a balance is required everywhere. Next time you go, look for these types and enjoy. And if you are one of these, even then, focus on enjoying.  I'll be posting same article on guys as well. 

Stay tuned for more. 

www.bodyspeaksbetter.com

www.facebook.com/bodyspeaksbetter

What's real ? What's fake?

First of all, wishing all of you a very happy and prosperous new year. May this year gives you insight to know the unknown.

After so may days, we have something interesting in Bigg Boss 8. In the luxury budget task" Freeze", we caught some expressions which were true from the heart and some which were faked to their best.

1. Puneet

When he sees his wife, he immediately calls her name with surprise. In surprise, we typically see eyebrows going up and and open mouth. We can also see surprise in Ali's face.

2. Karishma

Karishma was unsure when Puneet's wife came to her. But when she says she wants to hug Karishma, Karishma closes her eyes with a smile, which symbolizes the acceptance of hug. Also, she gets emotional during the hug, which she quickly controls.

3. Diandra enters

Pritam is surprised seeing Diandra here, but if we see Gautam, surprise is missing.

In the next moment we see, Pritam's surprise is still continued , now with a smile. Whereas, Gautam is flashing a micro expression of fear here, which is being masked by a smile. Now, why is he scared of Diandra, that we don't know.

4. Diandra- Karishma

When Diandra says Karishma, about the confession room talk ( Whom to save) . Karishma gives an expression of surprise, to convince Diandra that she hasn't done anything. Anyway, we know, the truth, that Karishma did say she wanted to save herself, But here, we are looking at the body language and micro expression. If Karishma is truly surprised, the eyebrows would have gone up, even a little bit , which is being faked here,

When Diandra says Karishma, she is coming across like Selfish and self-centred in the show, we catch a quick curling of lips,that too one sided. This one sided smile here is a micro expression of Contempt, which is implying she is happy to hear that.

5. Diandra- Gautam

When Gautam is "released" by Bigg Boss after the "freeze", we don't see any excitement in any of his actions, signifying he is not happy to see Diandra. He also closes his eyes and puts his hands on the face,covering face means not wanting to see whatever is happening. The other thing to notice here is Diandra's feet. The legs are pointing towards Gautam. And immediately after the "freeze" , she moves towards Gautam. She definitely likes Gautam too much.

We see in the picture Diandra , moving ahead of Gautam, and also touching the neck area. Actually, the area she is touching is known as Suprasternal Notch, the area below the neck where the collar bones meet. It is a self soothing gesture, to comfort oneself during nervousness. So, we know that Diandra is also nervous but in a happy way, to meet Gautam.

If we see here, we can see Diandra and Gautam sitting in a coffee table, but if we look closely, Diandra is very comfortable in her seat, whereas Gautam looks really uncomfortable. Another thing to notice here, is how Gautam is pushing himself back, as if he has been sticked to the back of the chair. This way of sitting of Gautam tells us, he doesn't want to be associated with Diandra at all.

A moment later, Gautam is smiling here with Diandra, but look at the hands, which are down and crossed in front of the vital parts , this is again a symbol of nervousness and being uncomfortable. If you look at the legs , they are also pulled back and are not in rest, symbolizing, Gautam wants to get up and doesn't want to be seated there any more. On the other side ,look at Diandra. Her hands are on the table, which shows honesty. Legs are at rest and pointing towards Gautam, meaning, she is wants this date to go on and doesn't want to go back. The body is leaning forward suggesting she is interested in the conversation.

When a person is telling the truth , it is very hard to control the emotions. Here, when Diandra says, whatever happened between them ,was never a part of game, she cries. This sadness (of the idea of using that for the game) is real, because we see oblique eyebrows here. And by baselining Diandra, we know, whenever she gets emotional she becomes very active physically, she moves her hands a lot, shifts her places etc, which also happens here. Diandra is really sad here.

6. Gautam

Now, this is the real surprise expression which we see in Gautam's face, which was missing when Diandra entered the Bigg Boss house. Gautam is surprised here, by seeing his brother Mohit Gulati.


The Bigg Boss 8 is a very nice show to know and read the house-mates Non verbal communications. 

We will be posting blogs on other issues, and if you want to know or decode any special case, do let us know.

Stay tuned.

www.bodyspeaksbetter.com

www.facebook.com/bodyspeaksbetter

The Longest Bollywood chain letter & the honesty

A few days ago, the news was trending on Facebook about the Longest Bollywood chain letter of Actors on Rajeev Masand show. So, we thought to have a look at the video and see the hidden feeling. Though there are actors here who are not being honest at all, but we will write about two points for each person.

a. Bipasha

When Tabu asks her about her fitness, the word "Amazing" brings smile to her face instantly. That is a genuine smile where we see, Bipasha giving a full smile.

When she talks about her fitness routine, she talks using her hand, which an illustrator here. This is a good sign, showing her interest in the topic.

b. Sonam

Sonam looks down and shakes her head NO during the question( where Bipasha asks her for hair,make up and dress tips for a red carpet event), which means, Sonam is thinking she can't answer that. Also, when she says, she thinks Bipasha looks naturally gorgeous she shakes her head NO.

Again while giving Bipasha some tips on beauty and make up she uses self soothing gesture, which means, making oneself understand, that everything is fine and I am right.

c. Deepika

When Deepika says Sonam is adorable and is extremely honest, she also caresses her hand and also touches the face,which means, she is not being confident enough for the statement.

When Deepika says," You speak your mind" and " We all move on" , she shows disgust . Disgust usually features on a face when we don't like something or someone.

d. Parineeti 

Now, that's a true surprise with a genuine happiness on Parineeti's face , when Deepika asks about the dinner date. She is truly happy by that question.

When Parineeti says , " I'm dying to go out with you". She not only uses her hands to talk but also puts forth two palms in front of the camera. Palm show is a sign of honesty.

e. Katrina

We caught a quick micro-expression of Anger by Katrina, when Parineeti asks her the question. Now, what triggered the anger we don't know.

We saw her playing with her hair too while answering the question. Usually, girls play with their hair on two conditions, either they are preening or they are nervous. In this case, this could be a sign of discomfort.

f. Shraddha 

When Shraddha hears the word "Who" she shows fear, implying she might get a hard question to answer. 

Although she says, she can't pick a name, but she does shift her gaze to down with a smile and hesitates  to name "Aditya" (says a lot of things to us).

g. Priyanka 

We see Priyanka pursing her lips, when Shraddha tells her foody. Pursing of lips symbolizes Priyanka doesn't deny it but chooses not to say about it.

We saw Priyanka giving a one sided shoulder shrug, when she says " Anyone can do that, it is just a state of mind" implying she doesn't believe what she just said. We see one sided shoulder shrug, when there is uncertainty.

h. Alia

Alia is being asked the square root of a number. She flashes a quick disgust after answering ( which is also a wrong answer, as Priyanka asks the square root of 2222, not the square) , which means she really hates it when someone asks her a question relayed to studies eg. GK, Maths etc.

The other emotion which we catch on Alia's face is Anger when she says " Yes, I don't know how to say the number correctly,so I'm using coma". This might look like a smile but it is anger being masked by a fake smile.

i. Anushka

One thing is very simple, if someone is saying he/she is happy, he/she should look happy. When Anushka says, she is happy, about the interview with Rajeev Masand. She doesn't look happy from any angle here.

This was the happiness we were talking about. When she mentions Alia, she seems happy, implying she is telling the truth.

j. Aishwarya 

Aishwarya shakes her head NO in the middle of the question, when Anushka says who she thinks is the most beautiful woman in the world. Anushka also says, Aishwarya can't take her mother's name or any family member's name, which we think gives an idea to Aishwarya as to what to answer.

Touching of hair is seen again , while answering. Instead of a simple answer she generalizes, which is avoiding a truthful answer. 

So, the longest chain letter of Bollywood did have something good, it told us about the hidden feelings , the true emotions , be it the question or the person who asked the question. 

Here is the link to the video, in case you want to watch it. 

Sometimes we hide our emotions to make things good, sometimes, to not disturb the existing system,but half truth is worse than a lie. 

Keep that in mind and stay tuned.

www.bodyspeaksbetter.com

www.facebook.com/bodyspeaksbetter

Shweta Basu and the letter

The letter of Shweta Basu Prasad to the media has created a sensation and has become a top news.

Let us know little about Shweta. Shweta has started her career as a child artist. We have seen her in Kahani ghar ghar ki, where she played the character of Sneha, daughter of Om ( Kiran Karmarkar) and Parvati (Sakshi Tanwar). Later she acted in Makdee and Iqbal. Makdee got her national award. And the child star became popular. She has also done few south indian movies. She was recently caught,and was alleged of prostitution. She spent 59 days in Rescue home, and finally, the court dropped charges against her.

 Let us find out, what she actually feels, is she happy with the popularity, as some say, or she is angry.

So, we went through few old videos of Shweta and found out few things to gauge her normal behaviour pattern.
a. She uses her hands a lot while talking,which is good.
b. Her voice is low pitched
c. She laughs genuinely

And then, we saw another video of her after the incident. The video is just of  2 mins, but it tells a lot about how Shweta actually feels after the incident. Few things, which are noticeable at first where, less use of hands, less or fake smiling , high pitched voice etc. Now, let's see what more, could we decode.

1. "Nothing happened"

She shows a micro expression of disgust, when she says "whatever happened was unpleasant" "Nothing happened". The two mins clip is full of disgust. Shweta might portray she is ok, but she really hates whatever happened.

2. Pacifying

She scratches herself when she says, "You can move out of anything", the gesture like scratching, caressing, etc means self soothing i.e she is calming herself down while saying that. She is not at all ok, how good she might seem,

3. Sympathy

And this is a micro-expression of sadness, when she mentions sympathy. She says, people are giving her too much sympathy and she is not a rape victim to have such sympathy. But again, hidden emotion here is sadness.

4. The preening

When she says, "whatever happened was very unpleasant" she preens, which means adjusting or playing with hair. Girls do preening in two cases, either they are impressing someone or they are uncomfortable. Of course, Shweta is not trying to impress here anyone. She really is uncomfortable about the incident.

5. The Industry

We also see a micro- expression of sadness, when she mentions about the industry. Although she says they have been always there but she is sad about that.

6. The anger

And at last, we see the anger, when she says I pity them. The micro expression of anger can be caught as nostril have flared. She is trying to mask it with a laugh.

And then gives a flat fake grin by saying, they don't know I have wings.

How do we know, it's fake? Because, she looks different in her real happiness.

Now, this is her real smile. We caught this smile, when she was naming the artists she worked with, while making the documentary. The real smile is more widening of lips, tightening of cheeks, narrowing of eyes, forming of wrinkles around eyes etc.

So, the anger towards the media is backed by great amount of sadness as well as disgust.

Please click here for the video link.

We can't control the mishap, but we can control , how we look towards the person after that. A mouth may tell us different things, but a face never lies and so does the body.



For more, visit www.bodyspeaksbetter.com