Friday 16 June 2023

The Indian Head Wobble


When in India, one might come across a strange head movement, which is neither a “Yes” ( Up-down head nod) nor a “No” (right-left head movement). This is somewhere in between, side to side heading movement, typically known as “Indian Head Wobble”. There were many blogs and videos on this specific head gesture, while some made sense, most didn’t.

So, why do we find this head movement only in India? Where and how did it originate from?

To know the answer, I travelled to a lot of places and interviewed people of all age. Let me give you a little brief about India. India is a country famous for its diversity. It is the home of many cultures, languages and music. There are also some very opposite traits to be found here. For eg- North and West Indian women have comparatively lower pitched voice than East and South Indian women. South Indians are very active in using hand gestures compared to the north Indians.

Therefore after visiting and researching about the gestures, I concluded that the “Indian Head Wobble” has originated from South India, specially, the state of Tamilnadu. The exact reason of the origin is still unknown; however, few inferences can be drawn after interacting with over 1000 people.

1.       Originated from Classical Dances

There are total of 8 classical dances in India. The striking similarity in Bharatnatyam, Kathakali,Mohiniattam, Kuchipudi and Odissi is , they all have neck (side to side) movements in the dance. If you look at their origin, geographically, they also are from south or south eastern part of India, whereas the other dances like Kathak, Manipuri, Sattriya, which are from North and North east India don’t have neck movements.

Some of these dances which are in the south-south eastern group said to have originated 2000 years back. Apart from Mohiniattam, all the other dances can be performed by males also.  Neck movement is considered very important during the performance and is considered attractive.

Now here is the catch, if you ever tell a non classical dancer to perform the “attami” (as the neck movement called in Bharatnatyam),you will get the “head wobble”. Hence, inferring from the same point, when in south one communicates, you would see this head gesture.

2.       Cultural difference

The Indian head wobble is only seen in few states on India. It is from  South east to deep South to South  west,starting from Telangana, Andhra Pradesh, Tamilnadu, Kerala, Karnataka, Goa, and some parts of Maharashtra. You might also find it in some parts of Sri Lanka( other country), but not in Andaman and Nicobar( Indian territories ). Another interesting thing to notice was, the level of head movement varied based on religion. Compared to Catholics, it was more in Muslims, compared to Muslims it was more in Hindus. Like I mentioned, it is only to be seen in some parts of Maharashtra, which is south western state of India, the more north you head, it diminishes.

 

 

3.       No strict movements

Coming back to Tamilnadu, one would not find very strict movements in gestures, postures also in the way of talking and behavior. We would more find molded or soft version in gestures, even in the way of talking. There would be an extra stretch at the end of any statement while talking, mostly in the form of a request. Therefore, a strict up & down head nod is nowhere to be found and so is the “No” head movement, in sub urban or village areas.

One of the old persons I was chatting with, told me that a straight yes or no was considered rude during his childhood, the authenticity of the statement cannot be traced, but if you apply it into the culture, this makes sense, why do we have the head wobble.

4.       Effect of Globalization and westernization

After studying the head wobble closely, it was also seen that people in rural area wobble their head more and frequently compared to people in suburban area. And if you pay attention to the Local state channels, their shows, discussions etc , you would also find seldom head wobbles there, signifying that globalization has its role to play even there.

After interacting with youth to senior citizens who hail from southern part of India, one thing was common, if they had done their education outside their states, there was no head wobble and if they stayed in their own state till their graduation, you can see head wobble. Also, people, who have been working in other states and are actively communicating in other languages tend to show less head wobbles than those people who speak only their language or English ( only professionally).

So, these were my derivations of how the Indian head wobble has started, the exact reason remains a mystery though.

P.S- I wanted to contact three royal families of south India, to know if that happened because of any kings or the specific culture during their dynasties, but I was not allowed to meet any of them.

 

Wednesday 14 June 2023

Empathetic Communication: Nurturing Relationships without Hurting Feelings


In our interactions, it's important to be mindful of the impact our words can have on others. Even though we may not intend to hurt or harm someone's feelings, the way we communicate can make a significant difference. In this article, we will explore some commonly used phrases and how we can rephrase them to deliver our message effectively while considering the feelings of others.


"Mr. so & so is better than you in this."

Comparison statements are often used in various contexts, such as with partners, children, or friends. However, it's crucial to express comparisons in a way that motivates rather than demotivates.


Rephrase: "Akshay also sang well, just like you. Both of you have such great talent and could give each other tough competition in a singing competition." When comparing your child to others, encourage their growth by saying, "I'm sure you can excel in your own unique way. Let's focus on your progress rather than comparing you to anyone else."


"You need to work hard."

While it's natural to encourage hard work, it's important to be mindful of how this phrase can affect individuals who may already be struggling or trying their best.


Rephrase: "I appreciate the effort you've put into this, but it might require a bit more focus and dedication. I believe in your capabilities, and I know you have what it takes to succeed."


"I told you this was going to happen, but you didn't listen to me."

When a problem arises, it's not helpful to remind someone that you had warned them previously. Instead, focus on finding a solution together.


Rephrase: "Let's not dwell on the past. Now that we're facing this challenge, let's put our heads together and figure out the best course of action. We can learn from this experience and plan for the future."


"Had you told me, I would have done that, but now it is too late."

When someone comes to you for help or support, it's important to offer understanding and explore ways to assist them rather than expressing regret.


Rephrase: "Is there any way I can help you now? Let me see what I can do to support you in this situation." By focusing on present possibilities, you convey your willingness to contribute positively.


"You can never do it."

Negative statements like these are demotivating and can damage someone's self-confidence. It's important to offer encouragement and belief in their abilities.


Rephrase: "It may seem like a challenging task, but I have faith in your capabilities. You have the unique qualities and skills required to overcome this obstacle."


"Money has changed you a lot."

When reconnecting with old friends who might perceive changes in your life, it's important to express your desire to maintain a strong bond and reminisce about the good times.


Rephrase: "I truly miss our old times together when we shared innocent moments and had fun. I cherish those memories and would love to create new ones with you. Let's plan something special to reconnect."


"Friends have always been more important to you."

Instead of making accusations or comparisons, express your desire to spend quality time with your loved ones and involve them in your life.


Rephrase: "I value the time we spend together, and it means a lot to me. Our family feels incomplete without you. Let's plan a family day to create more memorable moments together."


The way we communicate has a profound impact on our relationships. By being aware of how our words can affect others and by adopting a more empathetic approach, we can nurture healthy connections without causing harm. Remember, it's essential to choose our words wisely, especially when we're upset or frustrated.


Anger and negativity seldom lead to positive outcomes. Instead, let's strive to express ourselves in a captivating and confident tone that promotes understanding and harmony. By practicing empathetic communication, we can strengthen our relationships and foster a supportive environment for everyone involved.


So, the next time you find yourself about to use one of these phrases, take a moment to rephrase it in a way that considers the other person's feelings. Let's choose language that motivates, encourages, and shows our genuine care and support for those around us. With conscious effort, we can build stronger connections, inspire others, and create a positive impact through our words and actions.


Remember, effective communication is a skill that we can continuously improve. By choosing empathy and understanding, we can navigate conversations with grace and build relationships that flourish. Let's embrace the power of words to uplift, inspire, and connect with one another on a deeper level.